Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
