I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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