I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
