The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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