i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i've created a new STD.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
