Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
