Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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