Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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