I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
