erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
