I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
