No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
