Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
