Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
