i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You made out with two different species that night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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