Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
