Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
