I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My life is pants optional.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
