people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
