Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
