somebody snuck up and got me drunk
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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