Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
