just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
