no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i think my cat just said my name.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
