I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
