You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
