singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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