I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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