i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
