Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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