It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
