If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
