my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
