you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
