Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
