dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
