So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
