her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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