Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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