dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
