A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
