oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
