He told me they were just razor bumps!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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