I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
