you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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