She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
