My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
