Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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