yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
