even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
