This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
