respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
